I call it stupid to bury an actor with Chiklis’s chops in brick latex. That leaves Michael Chiklis - Emmy winner for The Shield - to play a brick wall named Ben Grimm. Alba, who has one playful scene in which she makes a zit on her forehead invisible, has more chemistry with Chris Evans as The Human Torch, which is a little creepy since Evans (named the third hottest body of the year on Gay.com) plays Sue’s brother Johnny Storm. Talk about your eight-year-old mentality. Even on his wedding day to Sue Storm (that’s Alba) - The Invisible Woman to you - he’s more into designing the Fantasticar. Fantastic to you - the workaholic brainiac who can stretch anything except his talent.
He’s stiff as the Surfer’s board in the role of Reed Richards - Mr. Take Ioan Gruffudd, the Welsh newcomer who was so impressive this year in Amazing Grace. Let me ask you: what is there about these F4 flicks that turns good actors into rank amateurs. With all due apologies to the Marvel Comic that ted in the 1960s, the Four hardly cut it as Fantastic onscreen. There are two sleek, shiny special effects: Jessica Alba falling off a building naked (OK, you don’t see much, the flick is rated PG) and the Silver Surfer himself - the computers designed him as the coolest surfing trophy ever. Jeez, aren’t they always? The Silver Surfer is the new wrinkle - he’s sent by Galactus to give Earth a head’s up. This time the Fan Four - if you need their origin stories just Google them for pity’s sake - are out to stop the evil Galactus from destroying the Earth. Just plain awful in that formula way that kills your spirit and all hope for summer movies. It’s not egregiously awful like the first film.
For the rest of us, the sequel to the first Fantastic Four that miraculously amassed more than $150 million in 2005, is a plotless, brainless, witless bore. Rise of the Silver Surfer is the perfect summer movie, that is if you’re eight years old or under.
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